


Hold Still

by readerbook1981



Series: Lifetime [1]
Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, Happy Ending, Healing, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-20
Updated: 2012-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-19 02:46:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readerbook1981/pseuds/readerbook1981
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint and Natasha's relationship pre and post movie leading up to a second encounter with Loki that does not end well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, new to A03 and new to fan fiction but I have a couple of works in progress. I originally posted this on ff.net while waiting for an invite but I think at times its a little too much for that site. The heroes in this story fall on pretty hard times but they are part of the Avengers and they, well, they will get to avenge.  
> I almost changed the title of this because of the beginning but then I worked in the title several more places so I decided to leave it the same.

“Hold still,” she said through gritted teeth as she pulled the thread tight. He shifted as her fingers brushed his side where she was stitching up the wound, “What’s the matter, can’t handle the pain?”

He looked back at her, green eyes meeting grey, a smile crinkled around them. 

“Don’t tell me you’re ticklish there?”

“So what,” He smirked, then added slyly. “I know where you’re ticklish.”

She looked at him, stopping her movements. “You do, but no one’s supposed to know that.”

He leaned back, face close to hers, “No one’s here.” He breathed. His lips met hers in a gentle kiss.

Her green eyes met his as she stared intently at him. “What?” He said, turning around, as she touched the purple, green bruise blossoming on his upper chest.

“You scared the shit out of me today.” She said quietly, looking down at the bruise.

“Aw, is that your way of saying that you care about me?” He teased.

Her face remained serious. “You got shot.”

“I was wearing Kevlar, so were you.”

“You rushed that guy and got shot and he practically split your shoulder open…”

“And you stitched it up. “ He craned his neck to examine the wound, “Looks great by the way.”

She remained silent.

“You’re doubting this thing.”

She looked away,” What thing?” she huffed.

“This.” He swung his fingers back and forth pointing at the two of them. “ Your magnetic, animal attraction to me.”

She scoffed and pushed away from him but he held her back. “I mean, its okay, everyone will understand. I’m pretty irresistible, the hottest piece of ass at SHIELD,” she hit him on the shoulder, “OW!“

“You are a pretty hot piece of ass.” She said relaxing into him. He brushed a hair away from her face. 

“You’re not so bad yourself.” He whispered leaning in for another kiss. It was longer and deeper this time, leaving both of them breathless, as they pulled apart.

“We should go hotshot, we have an early extraction tomorrow. And you get to explain why the mark is dead instead of taking an arrow wound to the thigh and living to tell us more about the operation.”

He groaned. Complicating missions was something of a specialty for him. Complicating his life was new. Falling for Natasha was a complication. Knowing that she was possibly falling for him was an even bigger complication. But he could deal with complications. Being compromised for it would be the bigger problem. Neither one of them had said it yet, but he rushed the target because the man was going for Natasha. She could have put him down, Clint knew this, but in some bullshit, male chauvinist way he felt that he should be the one to do it. He was actually feeling a little tense about when Natasha would bring this fact up. 

She didn’t bring it up, not until many days later, after a particularly rough sparring session in which he thought he was being a little too brutal with her. She gave as good as he did and just when he thought he could gain an advantage she slammed him onto the mat so hard the breath was knocked out of him. Natasha climbed on top of him, straddling his hips and grinding down firmly as she brought her face close to his, dusting his lips and whispering, “See, I can take of myself.” Then she kissed him hard, and stood up, leaving him gasping on the floor. She smiled seductively as she turned and walked away and between breaths Clint laughed to himself because in that moment he knew he was in love with her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of backstory then some post-movie time before getting to the real story.

For the better part of his life, Clint was a loner. His childhood was an alarmingly short memory for him. His teen years were times of wandering, looking for places to fit in, to feel safe, but never really finding anything. He bounced around from city to city, joined the circus, got taken under the wing of a skilled archer and found that combined with his perfect eyesight, he found he was an expert at hitting a target with any projectile given to him.

But the bow and arrow were his favorite.

He drifted from town to town after his time at the circus ended and even after Fury dug him out of the Iowa State Correctional System after he stupidly stole a car at the age of 21 and recruited him into SHIELD as a marksman, he continued to favor the bow and arrow and it became something of a calling card. Clint rose up in the ranks of the organization and became a favorite of Fury and the rest of the council.

Until he was sent on a mission to take out a hired killer in Italy and instead found himself paralyzed by a pair of green eyes and a flash of red hair. 

Over time Natasha had become more than the mission he broke orders on, more than the girl he saved. He spent her first few weeks at SHIELD watching her, lurking in the shadows or up high on his favorite perches studying her from afar, trying to figure out what he had seen in that moment that had prevented him from taking the shot. When he thought back to those first few months he couldn’t remember when exactly it was that he first started having feelings for her and he thought perhaps he was always in love with her. Thanks to Fury she became his partner, thanks to Phil Coulson she became his friend. It was after a post-mission talk over a few beers that Phil suggested Clint try and spend time with Natasha outside of their missions together. He saw something where Clint didn’t, he probably even knew back then that Clint was in love with her all along.

So he took his handler’s advice. 

One night after they were briefed following an easy in and out mission, Clint asked Natasha if she wanted to grab a pizza and beer. She gave him a puzzled look and stayed silent for so long he almost turned and walked away in embarrassment but then she shrugged and said sure.

He took her to his favorite pizza joint that served slices on paper plates and beers in plastic cups. A ball game was on and Natasha seemed amused by the dedication and enthusiasm of the fans. Clint hadn’t thought about the fact that she wasn’t raised to love a sports team so he explained it to her, from the diehard fans to the sports nuts that watched everything. He told her about Sunday afternoons spent watching football games and how baseball was still America’s sport in his mind, all peanuts and popcorn and Applejacks. He even sang a few bars of Take Me Out to the Ball Game. After staring at him like he was an idiot for a few moments, she burst out laughing. They spent the rest of the night cheering on the team with the rest of the fans, high fiving each other and other patrons in the bar. It was the first time Natasha had given him a genuine smile, he thought it was one of the most beautiful things in the world.

They went on through the motions, missions together and apart. Sparring, exercising, debriefing, their work was impeccable and their partnership and relationship grew stronger. The pizza and beer nights became a tradition, sometimes Phil joined them but mostly it was just the two of them. Soon, those nights extended well after the ball games were over, ending up in one of their apartments sitting on the couch or on Clint’s rooftop patio, one of his favorite places. 

They grew closer and Clint told her all about his past, the demons he had struggled with, his recruitment to SHIELD, his previous marriage. Natasha’s walls eventually came down and she shared her past with him, from the childhood joys to every brutal moment of her time as a young woman. The first time he kissed her was on the roof, after she taught him a few curse words in Russian and he tried to teach her how to two-step. She had tripped over his foot and brought her down with him, they were both laughing and he was leaning over her, her hands splayed out on his chest and he kissed her. She tasted like beer and cinnamon and her lips were softer than he expected but he still thought it ranked in one the top ten best moments of his entire life.

Their private moments continued and no one was the wiser to their blooming relationship. Each moment Clint fell more and more in love with her but he knew he had to be careful. 

Sex was frequent for the couple and Clint felt their sex life was pretty amazing. Their strength and agility as well as their mutual preference for a little roughness left both of them gasping after each love-making session. It was after one incredible time together, which involved bondage and experimental positions that left them both screaming in pleasure when he finally worked up the courage to say it. They were laying together, breathing hard in post-coital bliss, and he turned and whispered into her ear, “I love you.” Her breath hitched and he stopped breathing for a moment too until he heard her say softly, “I love you too.” In that moment he knew she was the one.

After a mission in South America with too many close calls left Natasha with a broken arm and Clint with a broken rib they decided to get married. They asked around until they were directed to a village outside Rio De Janiero and found a Native Shaman to do it. The marriage may not have been legal or recognized anywhere outside of this region but it was real to them. Instead of rings they got tattoos on their left hands – she got an tiny arrow on the inside of her ring finger and he got a black spider on the inside of his. No paper trail, no evidence that it ever happened should one of the two be interrogated, no one really knew anything about it; there was nothing to compromise them. And that was the way they liked it. 

But saving the world, Loki’s mind control, their new group of super friends had changed everything. Loki knew their secret; he knew all of Clint’s feelings for Natasha, every second and every action of their life together. They were compromised. All their safeguards were for not against an enemy they never could have anticipated. Even with Loki off the planet and most of SHIELD still in the dark about the extent of their relationship they knew things could not remain as peaceful as they had been. Coulson was gone; he had been the only person who knew their relationship extended beyond that of a working partnership, he was their buffer to the rest of the world. 

Natasha could feel Clint’s struggle with his feelings about the situation. He was still there, still with her, but things weren’t the same, he felt like nothing would ever be the same again. His feelings for her were still so intense, but he knew she could feel his hesitation every time they were close to each other. Come back to me, he could almost hear her saying every time she looked at him, every time she reached for him and he flinched away.

“He’s in love with you.” He finally said one day after what seemed like hours of silence.

“What?” Natasha turned to him. They were on his favorite perch on the top floor of Stark Tower. 

“Loki.” He looked at her, then down at his hands. “He’s in love with you.”

“How do you even know this?”

“I could feel it. All my feelings, about you, were transferred to him, when he took over my mind with that thing.” He gestured with his hand sharply, “Every thought I ever had about you, every moment,“ his eyes darkened as he emphasized this word, “ we ever shared, he knew them all. He fell in love with you, like I did.” 

“But he’s not in your head anymore, you know this. That link is gone”

“How do you know those feelings didn’t go away? I saw the way he looked at you, before Thor took him back. It’s the way I look at you.”

“Clint,” she said softly, taking his hand, “He’s gone, back on Asgard, a whole other dimension away. He’s captured and he can’t hurt us. He can’t hurt you.”

He shook his head, running his hands over his face, “It just all feels too simple. He knows everything about us-”

She brought his hand up to her lips to quiet him. “It is simple,” she whispered, “We won. He can’t hurt us.”

He almost believed her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little light-hearted, but don't let that fool you. Things are about to take a bad turn.   
> I'm not an expert on the Avengers comic world so I don't know if I got the back story totally correct but I see Clint as kind of an all-american farm boy who had some rough turns in his life before turning superhero so that's where some of his humor comes in.

After that time, after her desperate behavior searching for him, their relationship was somewhat out in the open. There was speculation and guesses as to what the extent their partnership was, not that the gossip hadn’t been there before, but now there was more proof. But they were part of the Avengers, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, and no one was going to say anything to them face to face.

Except maybe their boss.

 

Fury called them into his office one afternoon as they were sparring in the training room. They hadn’t been sent on a mission since they helped save the planet. First it had been to help Clint rehabilitate from Loki’s mind control, then there was the problem of how recognizable they were now that their faces had been plastered all over the world. But they continued working out and training to keep in shape for anything that might come up in the future.

Natasha had suggested they arrive separately but Clint insisted they go together. 

“He knows, Natasha.”

“What? No way, Coulson didn’t really know.”

“He knew. Most of it anyway.”

“Well, what can he do? We’re his resident super heroes, he’s not going to fire us over some anti-fraternization polity.”

“Does that really exist? I mean, I feel like SHIELD, with all its duties to, you know, protect the world, wouldn’t really be all that worried about its employees shacking up together.”

“I guess we’ll find out.” Natasha knocked softly on the door. 

“Come in!” The voice inside boomed. They walked into the office to a stony faced Fury sitting behind his desk. Clint and Natasha sat down opposite his desk and waited for him to begin speaking but he continued to stare at them. Clint shifted uncomfortably and he could tell Natasha was resisting the urge to swat him to stop his fidgeting. Finally Clint cleared his throat and spoke up.

“Ah, sir, you wanted to see us?”

Fury gave him a deadpanned stare before he finally spoke, “Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”

Natasha and Clint remained very still, calculating how to react, neither of them wanted to reveal more information than they needed to. Since he was pretty good at playing dumb Clint spoke first.

“Find out what sir?”

Fury’s one good eye focused on him. “You know what I’m talking about.”

Clint saw Natasha roll her eyes, clearly annoyed with the vagueness, he could see that look in her face, the one she got before she jumped into a snake pit. “Nat,” he said through clenched teeth, “Don’t do it.”

“Yes, we’re together.” She spoke up, “We’ve been together for four years. No, we didn’t disclose that information to you but since our relationship never affected our work we didn’t think we needed to. ”

Clint gaped at her. “What are you doing?” he mouthed. Fury narrowed his eye at her. 

She took at breath, she could take down armed men twice her size without a moment’s hesitation but one steely eyed look from her Cyclops of a boss and Clint could tell she was as nervous as a schoolgirl in the principal’s office. “Is….is there anything else you want to know or can we go?” Clint put his head in his hands.

“No Agent Romanoff, that will do.”

Clint looked up. “That’s it? She just outed our relationship and you don’t want to know anything else? You’re not going to dissolve our professional partnership or give us some big speech about inter-office relationships-OW!”

Natasha kicked his shin.

“No, Agent Barton, I don’t need to know anything more.” Fury’s voice rose as he stood up and put his hands on his desk. Shit, Clint thought. “I don’t need to know that two of my best, most trusted agents have been involved in a relationship for the past four years and didn’t feel the necessity to disclose any information to me, or let alone your handler Agent Coulson.”

“Coulson knew.” Clint mumbled. Natasha kicked him in the shin again. Ow, he mouthed to her.

Fury’s nostrils flared. Clint and Natasha looked at each other, desperation in both their eyes.

“Well, isn’t that wonderful Agent Barton? This information could have come in handy when you were brainwashed by the Tesseract and Agent Romanov was breaking protocol trying to find you.” Natasha looked down this time. “Or even as a damn professional courtesy. But no, I’m not going to dissolve your partnership or give you a big speech.”

“Thanks sir.” Clint said; as he stood up, ready to make an exit. Then Fury smiled and it was one of the most terrifying things Clint felt he had seen in his life.

“But you will be in charge of training new recruits for the next month.”

Clint was about to start protesting when he felt that pain in his shin again. Natasha had kicked him once more. She looked at him sharply as she stood up and started to pull him out of the room.

“Yes sir, thank you.” She said.

“Yea, thanks.” Clint mumbled. He hated dealing with rookies, they would be drooling over Natasha and trying to one up him. They would probably start asking him for archery lessons. He groaned as he thought of how annoying the next four weeks were going to be.

“Wait,” he said stopping, something wasn’t right. “You hate rookies, way more than I do. Why aren’t you more upset?”

“Of course I’m upset,” she hissed, “But at least we can still work together. If we ever get sent on another mission…and,” she grabbed his left hand to reveal the small tattoo. “Fury doesn’t know about this.” She touched her left palm to his, ring fingers lining up. He smiled and entwined his fingers with hers, bringing her hand up to his mouth and kissing it softly. I guess the next month isn’t going to be so bad, he thought.

“I’m hitting the shower.” She said, sauntering off. She looked over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow. “Care to join?”  
That he didn’t hesitate for.

 

The month with the new recruits actually didn’t turn out to be half bad. Clint got to spend a lot of quality time with Natasha that didn’t require them hiding out, pretending to be other people, or risking their lives the whole time. And the new recruits kind of idolized them. The guys, although terrified of her, did drool over Natasha but it gave Clint a special kind of pride knowing she was his. Of course, she would kill him for even thinking of her as some kind of possession. And the girls, well, they were head over heels for him. He really didn’t mean to but he was started to strut around like some male peacock with all the attention he was receiving. He passed two of the more giggly female rookies in the cafeteria as he made his way to where Natasha was sitting and he couldn’t help giving them his trademark wink. 

“Morning ladies” He said with a grin  
.  
They giggled, “Morning Agent Barton,” they chimed in unison.

He sat down to an icy Natasha. “What?”

She rolled her eyes, “Must you encourage them?” She stole some of his strawberries.

“Hey!” He said, then shrugged, “What can I say? Female SHIELD agents just can’t resist me. It must be all that animal magnetism.”

She rolled her eyes again but he could see the beginnings of a smile. 

“We leaving at 5 today? I’ll come get you” Fury had at least allowed them to fly back to New York every weekend. It was nice to go back to their apartment. Although they had the offer to stay at the newly renamed Avenger Tower, they had declined, preferring to have whatever privacy they could. They still had rooms on the Helicarrier but after everything that had happened, it felt good to have place to call home.

“I’ll meet you at the hanger,” Natasha said, stealing some of his yogurt. Seriously, did she ever eat her own food? He gave her a questioning look. “I, uh, have to talk to Bruce about something.” She licked some of his yogurt off the back of her spoon and raised an eyebrow at him. His question about what exactly she had to talk to Bruce about disappeared as a handful of extremely dirty thoughts involving her mouth ran through his head.

She smirked at him, knowing exactly what he was thinking and stood up, “See you later, honey” she emphasized the pet name she never called him just for the three blond rookies that were staring in his direction and walked off. They looked away quickly as Clint entwined his hands behind his head as he leaned back wondering how the hell he got so lucky.


	4. Chapter 4

That evening Clint met Natasha on the deck of the carrier as they waited to board a quinjet on their way back to the city. She seemed a bit distracted and gave him a quick smile before boarding the jet in front of him and Clint called out a brief greeting to the pilot, taking a quick glance to see who it was but not recognizing him for the aviator glasses and black cap. He would have preferred to pilot himself but there wasn't really abundant parking for jets in New York City.

Clint sat in his seat and began buckling himself in while the hatch closed. His question about what Natasha had to see Bruce about was on the tip of his tongue before he stopped. The hairs on the back on his neck stood up and he felt a sense of uneasiness hit him. The doors were closing and no one else was boarding which was unusual because other senior members of the organization often left for the weekend as well. Something was off and as he turned to meet Natasha's eyes, he could tell she felt it too.

"Clint, I think-"she started but was cut off by a loud hissing sound. They both looked up as the cabin began to fill up with smoke. The last thing he remembered before passing out was staring into Natasha's panic stricken eyes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Pain, that was the first thing he felt as he blinked open his eyes. His mouth was gritty and his throat was dry. He groaned as he struggled to sit up amidst the pounding headache he had.

"Clint." He heard a voice say. He groaned again and rolled over. "Clint!" The voice was more insistent now.

"Nat?" He tried to sit up again and then realized his hands were tied behind him. He rolled over on his back and used his ab muscles to bring himself into a sitting position. The room they were in was dim but he could make out stone walls and cell bars. He searched around for Natasha and saw her sitting against the wall, knees drawn to her chest and hands bound in front of her. She didn't seem to be hurt or scared, in fact, she seemed a little pissed off, but he decided to ask anyway.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, besides the fact that I feel like my skull could split open any second now and," she lifted her hands in front of her, "I'm tied up, but, I'm fine."

He started shifting his hands trying to slip the restraints but they wouldn't budge.

"Don't bother, I already tried," Natasha said. He ground his eyes shut, "Are you okay?"

"Major headache, but fine. Where are we?" He scooted towards her.

She shook her head, "I don't know, the last thing I remember is boarding the jet."

"It was some kind of gas, that knocked us out. I remember that after we boarded."

"Someone compromised SHIELD security?"

"Or it was an inside job."

"Who would do that? Stark beefed up security, the last time someone breached it…"

"Was me." Clint finished.

"Now, now, Agent Barton, you can't really take all the credit for that."

They both looked up at the familiar voice, Clint stiffened in terror as Natasha gasped his name.

"Loki."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a bit violent - some major revelations will come out and not everyone will come out okay. No major character death but fair warning for violence and some uncomfortable subjects.

Loki walked into their view, a cold smile on his face as he stopped in front of their cell. "Well, if it isn't the two Master assassins, where's the bravado you so ruthlessly displayed last time we were together?"

Natasha narrowed her eyes, "How did you do this?"

"You'd be surprised how many allies you get when you try to invade the Earth. Some have very specialized skills in helping one escape from prison."

"So you escaped from prison in Asgard and then captured us? Seems a little anti-climatic doesn't it." Natasha said. Clint still hadn't spoken. He couldn't move, he could barely breath; flashes of his last meeting with Loki were running through his head.

"Revenge is hardly a lesser act," Loki said, stepping closer to their cell.

"Revenge? Against us?" Natasha said, looking up through her eyelashes as she stared at the demi-god and said in a low voice, "We had a little help in defeating you."

"That you did, your little crew of Avengers," Loki said sarcastically, "Including my dear brother."

Clint wondered where Thor was, surely Loki's escape from prison had caused chaos on the blond titan's home planet. A glimmer of hope passed through his mind as he thought that there could be some chance of rescue if the rest of team was alerted. But he had no idea where they were, if they were even still on Earth, still on the same plane of reality. The thought was dizzying.

Loki's stare remained on Natasha as he continued, "I seem to remember it was you, Agent Romanoff, that closed the portal created by the Tesseract. In fact, you were also the one who released Agent Barton from my control. You've been quite the thorn in my side." He smiled after that, a grin so cold and calculated that Clint could have sworn he felt Natasha shiver.

"What are you going to do with us?" Natasha asked, more quietly this time, Clint could feel her resolve leaving.

Loki's smile remained fixed as he spoke, "You'll find out in due time." And he spun on his heel, walking out of the room.

"Hey wait, you have to tell us why we're here-" Natasha started as they heard a familiar hissing sound. The cell filled with gas and then blackness.

XxXXXXXXXxXXXXXXxXXXXXXxXXXX XXXxxXXXXXXXxXXXXXXXxXXXXXxX XXXXXxXXXXXXxXXXXXXX

When Clint next came to he was no longer in the stone cell but in a stark, white room with his hands still bound but hung on a chain from the ceiling.

He looked up and tried standing on his tiptoes to gain leverage to try once again to slip the cuffs but nothing was working. He tried to speak but found his mouth was covered in some kind of cloth so all he could do was grunt. His eyes searched wildly for Natasha but all he saw was two men standing in the corner, guards?

A door opened and Loki walked in followed by another guard and then Natasha. Her hands were still bound in front of her and a guard was behind her, pushing her in. She looked about as pissed off as Clint felt, kicking and grunting against her restraints, he could practically see the waves of anger radiating off her body. The men, they were men as far as he could tell, were struggling to bring her in and he noted with satisfaction that one was sporting a busted lip. Good girl, he thought. But he could see in her eyes that Natasha was also terrified, she hated not being in control. She let him dominate her in bed but that had come from the trust that had built up as their relationship had grown. He tried to talk again but the rag was pushed far into his mouth, so he just fixed an angry glare on Loki as the god grabbed Natasha by her elbow and pulled her to him and stopped in front of Clint. She fought Loki, jerking and kicking as hard as she could but he pulled her close.

"Why so angry Natasha, you should love this," Loki whispered into Natasha's ear but stared at Clint as he went on, "Or at least that was how your dear husband described it."

Clint's movements stopped as his mouth went dry, his memories. Loki had Natasha bound in exactly the way Clint would tie her up during their sex play. He was using it against them. Bile rose up in his throat, as Clint felt sick at the thought of their most intimate and private moments being brought into the public. Their relationship and all that went on in it was far from normal but it was theirs, it worked for them and they had worked at it together. Clint began to see red crawl into his vision.

Natasha's eyes squished shut as she recoiled away from Loki's touch, his breath ghosting on her ear. He breathed her in for a moment than pushed her down and walked up to Clint.

"You pledged your absolute loyalty to me, you came up with brilliant plans for us and carried through an almost perfect take over of the helicarrier to release me from SHIELD." Clint gagged on the rag in his mouth as he tried to scream that he had been brainwashed, Loki's puppet, willing to carry out any command given to him. "Then you pointed an arrow at my head and smiled as I was carried to my prison."

Clint's mind went back to that day. He had wanted so bad to release that arrow he had pointed at Loki's head, to end it all and take his revenge for having his mind stolen from him. He remembered the scene in Central Park as Thor prepared to return Loki to their home planet. Natasha had leaned in to whisper into his ear, what she said, he couldn't remember. He had smiled though, almost grinned at the comment. Clint didn't know if it was his fatigue from the day or his panic at the moment but something was blocking his memory.

"So, Agent Barton, I would take some joy in revenge, in torturing you until you felt the utter humiliation that I did on that day. My time spent in Asgardian prison gave me plenty of opportunities to decide what would be the perfect way to make you pay." Loki began circling Clint, "My first thought was to take your eyes. You would be useless to SHIELD without your skillset. Then I thought I could remove a hand, or even just a finger. The little archer would hardly be able to release an arrow into someone missing an appendage."

Natasha made a noise then, struggling to get up off the floor but the guards pushed her back down by her shoulders. Her eyes flashed with anger. Clint's stomach dropped, the thought of not being able to shoot his bow, to use his eyes terrified him. He pushed his nervous thoughts to the back of his mind as he focused his gaze back at Loki, staring at him head on, eyes burning with rage as he dared the God of Mischief to bring on all he had.

Loki met his stare.

He stopped in front of Clint and made a motion to one of his guards who stepped into Clint's view and delivered a swift punch to the side of his face. Clint's mouth swirled with blood as he gagged on the rag. He had been a part of this type of situation before, usually involving an interrogation for some kind of information. Clint Barton could take a punch and although his smart mouth usually angered his attackers into more retaliation, he began to laugh at the familiarity of this situation. Natasha stared at him like he was crazy and a flash of annoyance passed through Loki's face.

Then he turned the tables on Clint.

"Just as I imagined, that wouldn't be enough, you wouldn't feel quite enough pain to satisfy me. So I though that just as you helped take away my freedom, there had to be something just was valuable I could take from you." Loki looked down at Natasha as he said this. Clint stopped smiling and shook his head violently, making as much noise as he could.

"What's the matter Barton, do you agree with my reasoning?" Loki pulled down the rag covering Clint's mouth, "I want to hear you beg for her," he hissed.

"Don't.."Clint panted, spitting out blood as he struggled to gain his breath, "Do whatever you want to me..just don't hurt her." He looked down at Natasha, she was shaking her head at him. She hated when he acted chivalrous, she would probably hate him for offering himself up like this but it didn't matter now, he couldn't imagine a world without her and he was desperate right now. Clint looked back up at Loki, straight into his eyes, "You can do anything to me, "he repeated his offering, "Just let her go."

Loki smiled again. "Always the self-sacrificing one."

Clint chuckled in spite of himself. Although Loki's strategy was a little backward, he was supposed to start with the threats then beat him up, he had gotten exactly the reaction he wanted out of Clint. He remembered his earlier assumption about Loki's feelings for Natasha, would the demi-god be willing to sacrifice her or was entire situation about her? Clint began to feel like a pawn.

Loki looked ticked off but went on, "It would be a pity to destroy someone so lovely" Clint licked blood off his teeth and smiled, resisting the urge to spit at him.

"I take it that you agree, Hawk?"

He walked over to where Natasha was crouched between the two guards. "Stand her up," he commanded to one of the them who pulled her up by her hair, then he turned back to Clint.

"You see, I knew that the threat to her life would elicit the kind of reaction you just gave. As much as you're trying to disguise it, it would quite painful for you to watch me kill her. That was my plan as I captured you two from the quinjet. But then when you two came here I realized something very profound and unexpected, that absolutely changed my mind about the course of events." He slid a finger down Natasha's face as he said this and brushed away a lock of red hair that had fallen into her eyes. She closed them and her nostrils flared as she tried to turn away but his hand traveled down her body, slowing at her breasts but continuing until it came to rest on her stomach. Natasha's eyes flew open as she stared at Loki in shock, then they flicked to Clint's, tears glistening in them. Loki smiled and ripped the rag from her mouth, "Quite an interesting development, isn't it?"

"Clint, I'm sorry.." she cried out once her mouth was free, "I was going to tell you…"

"What?" his brazen attitude switched off, his mind was still processing everything.

"Oh, Agent Barton," Loki said, his voice dripping with false concern, "You didn't know?"

Realization dawned on him, "You're…you're pregnant?" Clint stammered.

She nodded. "I just found out, before we got captured…Bruce confirmed it" Clint remembered lunch that day and her visit with Banner, her distraction on the quinjet before they left the hellicarrier. It seemed like years ago.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

"Don't be," he whispered, and he felt his lips turn up into a smile, an honest one, their dire situation forgotten as he thought of her, belly swollen with his child; a green-eyed boy or girl running around with a nerf bow and arrow, a future together as a family. She smiled back at him, her eyes shining with tears.

"How sweet," Loki's voice brought him back to reality. Natasha's smile faded at the same time Clint's did. "But it is lovely that this new bit of information has provided me with just the right amount of ammunition to make both of you feel the pain I want. Luckily, I made some new friends who gave me some new powers to help carry out any punishments I wanted." What that his hand took on a blue glow as he pressed it to Natasha's stomach and her eyes closed shut as she screamed and doubled over in pain.

"Nooooo!" Clint screamed as he saw the dark stain spreading on Natasha's pants. He twisted and jerked, desperate to get out of the restraints. He felt like a caged animal, like if he could, he would gnaw his own hand off just to get to free.

Loki dropped her to the floor and smiled as he walked away.

Clint shut his eyes at Natasha's screams, he felt his consciousness explode, a burst of sensations as he tried to block out the awful sound of her agony. When he opened his eyes he saw that Natasha had stopped screaming and it was the sounds of his own cries he had been trying to block.

There was more noise, explosions and crumbling and Clint briefly wondered if he was going crazy. Then the wall next to him crumbled and a flash of green appeared before his field of vision.

The Hulk.

Help had finally come.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

The next few hours went by as flashes in Clint's mind.

The Hulk roaring through the room and crashing through the opposite wall.

Stark, in his Iron Man suit, cutting off the ropes that held him up.

And Natasha.

And red…so much red...

Clint refused to leave her side, even as they were transported to a medical bay at SHIELD's Los Angeles headquarters. Turns out they never left the planet, they had been in a remote area of the Andes Mountains the whole time, about 2 days. Stark's upgrades to SHIELD's security had included trackers on all jets and SHIELD issued clothing, like his jacket. Clint probably would take issue with that later but for now he was thankful.

Loki had escaped. Walked out of the room and flew off just as the rest of the team had arrived. SHIELD was frantically searching for him but no one had any knowledge of his whereabouts.

After a lot of protesting Bruce had convinced him to be treated while Natasha was examined, under the agreement that Dr. Banner over see anything that was done to her. Clint allowed himself to be patched up, it wasn't much: a busted lip and an IV bag of saline for dehydration. He was agitated and uncooperative the entire time, barking at the nurses and other doctors who tried to treat him until they finally left him alone on a bed in the corner with his IV attached. Clint's leg shook nervously as he anxiously waited and after what seemed like hours Bruce finally appeared.

Clint jumped out of his bed and practically began ripping the IV out of his arm before Bruce jumped in to remove it.

"How is she? Let me see her. Where is she?" He demanded.

"Clint, I'll take you to her, but you have to stay calm." Bruce's demeanor was calm and patient, a far cry from the monster he had been just a few hours previously.

Clint swung his legs over the edge of the bed and followed Banner down the hall. They stopped in front of a darkened room and Clint could just make out Natasha's sleeping form. He started to enter and then paused; he couldn't bring himself to walk in yet.

Bruce sensed his hesitation and started talking, "She lost a lot of blood, we had to give her a transfusion. And like you, she was extremely dehydrated."

"She was pregnant." Clint stated, eyes focused on Natasha.

"I know-"

Clint turned to Bruce and interrupted him, "She lost it…the baby.. she lost it, didn't she?" He asked softly.

Bruce switched out of his clinical mode and his eyes saddened, "Yes, I'm sorry. By the time we got here it was too late. I'm, uh, assuming you were the father?"

"Yea," Clint braced his arm against the window and leaned his forehead on it, "How far along was she?"

"Not very, maybe about eight weeks. She came to me for a test. I think she already knew but she just wanted to be absolutely sure."

Clint turned his head to Bruce, "How did she seem, about the news?" Bruce's eyes looked at him questioningly, "Was she happy? Upset?"

Bruce shook his head, "I couldn't really tell, Natasha's pretty hard to read. You probably have more practice at it than me. But, she didn't seem upset, truthfully, she seemed a little nervous."

"Mmm," Clint grunted, looking back down at the floor, his forehead still braced on his arm.

"Look, I don't really know what the story is between you two but I'm really sorry about what happened….and if we had just gotten there sooner…."

Clint put his hand up to stop him. "Don't…just…thanks for getting there." He pushed off the wall and grasped the doctor's shoulder with one hand, giving it a squeeze before letting go and walking into the room. He stood there for a moment, until he felt Bruce walk off and quietly made his way to Natasha's bed.

She looked scratched up and pale, but still beautiful. Her red hair was framing her face giving her an almost ethereal look as she slumbered. Clint sat in the chair by her bed and grabbed her hand but then decided that it wasn't close enough, so, careful not to disturb her IV, he climbed into the bed next to her and put his arm around her. He could feel the tears begin to stream down his cheeks as he nuzzled his face into her neck. His body felt so fatigued and his spirit was broken but he was here, with her and that gave him some kind of peace. He was asleep within minutes.

Clint woke with a start to Natasha's voice ordering a nurse to leave them alone. The woman was protesting but the iciness in Natasha's tone scared her off.

"Go away."

The women ran out the door.

"Tasha?" He said groggily, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

"She wanted you to leave." She said flatly, staring at the wall in front of her.

"Nat," he switched to his favorite nickname for her, "how do you feel?"

She turned to look at him, her eyes were blank, devoid of any emotion, any hurt, any pain. She opened her mouth to say something but they were interrupted by a familiar figure walking in the door. Maria Hill.

She appeared all business but Clint could see a soft look of regret in her eyes. She stopped in front of the bed and cleared her throat.

"I..um..I'm hear to inform you that the council has requested that you two appear before them immediately."

"What?" Clint's eyes flashed, "Are we being questioned? Now?" He jumped off the bed and regretted it as a wave of dizziness passed over him, he braced his hand on the side as he went on. "What the hell is this about?"

"I'm just carrying out orders Agent."

"From who, Fury?"

"No," Maria said softly, "He tried to fight them…but they're demanding to find out what happened. How this happened." Her professional demeanor began to drop. "I'm sorry." She looked at Natasha, "Agent Romanoff…Natasha, I'm so sorry-"

"Don't," Natasha growled. "We'll be there." She sat up and dangled her legs over the side of the bed. "Go get a nurse to take this thing out." She pointed to the IV.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Maria left two SHIELD issued uniforms for them and they changed in silence. Clint put his hand on Natasha's shoulder as they walked towards the meeting room on the other side of the base. She tensed at the touch of his hand but didn't brush it off and he was grateful because he needed to touch her, to know that she was there.

When they got to the door Clint stopped and spun her around to face him.

"Nat-"he began. He didn't even really know what he was going to say, he just wanted her to talk to him, to tell him she was okay. They hadn't even gotten a chance to talk about what had happened.

She shook her head, "Don't do this."

"Are you okay?"

She glared at him. "I can't…I don't know." She sighed in defeat, he could see her breaking in front of him, starting to let out all the emotion that she had been holding in.

"Nat." he whispered, dropping his forehead to hers, "We don't have to do this, we can just leave-"

She shook her head again, "No." Her walls came back up, "We can't just run away, not with Loki still out there…"

"Yes." He said almost pleading, he was ready to give it all up, everything he had ever worked for and trained for, everything that had been his whole life for so many years, he would leave everything for her. "If it was just us, no agency involved, no one else to slow us down, we could stay hidden better than any protection SHIELD will offer us."

He could feel her start to relax into him, her breathing start to quicken and he could tell that she was about to make her decision, when all of a sudden the door slid open and the two found themselves staring into a room filled with the rest of their team, Nick Fury, and the televised heads of the Council.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!  
> Clint and Natasha have a run in with the council in the this chapter and then escape to the woods to figure things out. Typical Clint/Natasha fanfic, I know, but it makes sense that if you have place to go to escape the world, you'll go there.

The meeting went pretty much as Clint expected.

The entire team, minus a noticeably absent Bruce, looked furious at the situation as the council members revealed the purpose of the meeting was to discuss the actions that led up to the pair's abduction and the ramifications of these events on their further work with SHIELD.

To their surprise and disappointment the council divulged that Loki had been able to recruit several members of SHIELD who disliked the attention the new Avengers initiative had received and they had been central to his ability to kidnap Clint and Natasha off of SHIELD property.

So they were men, Clint thought as his stomach turned at the thought of his own teammates betraying them in such a hideous way.

Clint's jaw remained fixed as the council questioned the validity of their partnership now that their relationship was exposed. They chastised Fury for allowing them to work together even after hints of the extent of their partnership were surfacing and for not taking action against Natasha for breaking protocol during the time Clint had been brainwashed.

Fury had on his usual poker face during their entire diatribe and Clint could tell from the look in his eyes that he wanted to break in several times and tell them what a stupid ass conversation they were having but knew that it was better that he remained quiet until the council had spoken their piece. Clint could also tell from the look Fury gave him that the less the two of them said the better.

Anger was really setting in and fogging Clint's mind as he tried to keep his focus on the events in front of him and he began to understand why Bruce decided not to attend. He felt his brain shorting out as his consciousness blurred a few times and he shifted his eyes around to view the rest of the people in the room in order to keep himself grounded in reality

Tony couldn't contain his disdain for the meeting and although he too remained silent from the exchanges between the council members, he couldn't stop his eyes from rolling dramatically at several of the comments.

Steve looked incredibly remorseful and he kept stealing worried glances at them, shifting his seat uncomfortably and running his hand through his hair.

Thor's face was serious but he did look a bit confused about some of the things the council was saying and Clint wondered how much of Earth's customs and language were still alien to him.

Maria's stance betrayed nothing but a professional demeanor, mouth set in a thin line and eyes fixed on the screens but Clint could see a hint of sadness in her face. He felt she disliked him and had never quite forgiven him for shooting at her and Fury on the day of Loki's arrival in New Mexico, no matter what the extent of the situation was. But she had been with them at SHIELD for a long time and although she and Natasha were never what you would call friends, they were both strong women in a male-dominated organization and they had to have a deep,mutual respect for each other.

And Natasha. 

He looked over to his side, her eyes were set, staring out blankly in front of her. She didn't look upset or angry or sad, she was just there, he couldn't even tell if she was hearing anything that was going on. Clint felt red begin to creep in behind his eyes as he thought about how wrong it was that they were here, in this meeting, instead of somewhere far, far away, healing from the horrible situation that had just transpired not 24 hours ago.

Natasha's blank stare and one of the council member's question of whether Clint was still in allegiance with Loki caused his anger to boil over and he couldn't stay silent anymore.

"That's enough!" He exploded, standing up in his chair and causing most of the people in the room to jump, "Natasha and I have just been through hell and you're questioning my allegiance to SHIELD, to her?" He gestured in Natasha's direction.

Someone started to speak but he ignored it as his mind rushed with the white noise of anger and he decided to lay everything out in the open.

"Yes, we're together but Natasha and I aren't just involved in some casual relationship, we're married. We have been for years. And that baby she lost..that was my child, I was the father." He could hear his voice crack as he said this and he looked at Natasha, she was staring up at him, eyes wide and mouth open, frozen still.

He went on, "Loki used our relationship against us, you're right, I can't deny that, but before he came along no one ever had even an inkling of an idea of how involved we were. We were the perfect spies and assassins and we played our roles on whatever missions we were sent on and we worked so perfectly together because our relationship was built on such a solid foundation of trust." He swallowed hard and went on, "But nothing we were ever trained for could have helped us prepare for that situation, magical powers and aliens. But we never betrayed SHIELD, there wasn't even the option to. This was all about revenge, and vindication. And he succeeded." He finished quietly.

"Brother Barton," Thor broke in, "I am sorry for the behavior of my brother-"

Clint put his hand up, "Don't….I know and I don't blame you."

"Agent," One of the councilmen interrupted, "As much as you would like to justify it, your relationship put this entire organization at risk. SHIELD members were recruited by Loki for the purpose of taking revenge on members of the Avengers. You knew you had been compromised after the events at New York yet you continued to keep the organization in the dark and work with us as if nothing had changed."

I've been compromised, Clint remembered Natasha saying after she had knocked Loki's hold off of him. He wasn't about to admit it out loud but the council member was right, they had been compromised. They took safeguards to keep their relationship a secret because they knew how dangerous it could be if the wrong person found out. They should have left after the Tesseract incident, they shouldn't have banked on the idea that everything could go back to the way it was, that it was that easy for things to remain the same.

"This is so totally unfair," Tony finally blurted out, "The events in New Mexico and New York didn't happen because of Robin Hood and spiderwoman, they just got caught in the crossfire. Loki could have picked any SHIELD agent to mind control with his spirit stick and Clint just happened to be there, as Fury's right hand man on one of the most important…and misguided..undertakings this organization had ever embarked on. He is a trusted agent and that's why he was at Fury's side then and that's why he happened to be the one to get mind controlled." He let out a breath, "Whew, that felt good. I almost went crazy staying silent so long" 

"Circumstances notwithstanding," an annoyed looking council member went on, "Agents Barton and Romanoff were in the middle of this situation and the reason for a massive security breach on the helicarrier. Their emotions clouded their judgment and they missed the warning signs that should have been there-"

"No," Clint interrupted, sick of all the back and forth, "We've just been through hell, we just experienced a terrible loss that we've had no time to mourn over and we are not going to sit here while you guys discuss our worth to this organization." He put both his hands down on the table in front of him, "So here's what's going to happen: Natasha and I are taking a leave of absence, indefinitely." He looked at Fury while he said this, waiting for his response, Fury nodded. "We're leaving, now, and no one will follow us. No one." He emphasized, looking at the rest of the team as he grabbed a hold of Natasha and gently pulled her up out of her seat.

"Agent Barton," a female council member began, "This decision is not up to you-"

"It damn well is," Fury broke in, "As their immediate boss I grant their request and postpone any decision making until the two are fit to return." He gave Clint a look that clearly stated, LEAVE NOW and Clint didn't hesitate, practically shoving a shocked, but silent Natasha out of the room as Fury continued to hurl arguments back at the incensed members of the council.

"Is your bag in your room?" Clint asked Natasha once they were out in the hallway, he knew she kept an emergency bag packed in case a situation came up requiring her to leave immediately. She nodded blankly.

Because he wasn't about to be split up with her now, they both went to her room and then his to grab his own emergency duffel and his bow. He heard someone come up behind them and spun, hands up and ready to strike.

Tony held his hands up in surrender, "Whoa, it's just me."

"I said not to follow us," Clint growled.

"I know, I'm not following you, I just wanted to give you these." He held out a set of keys. "My Range Rover." Clint hadn't even thought about the fact that they didn't have transportation; he was so fixated on getting out of there.

He looked at the keys suspiciously. "There's no tracker on it." Tony said, Clint still didn't take them, "I promise."

The earnest look in the billionaire's eyes gave Clint the reassurance he needed as he reached out for the keys. "Thanks." He said quickly before turning back to Natasha and grabbing her hand, leading them out of the headquarters.

She was silent in the car the entire way. They stopped at a department store on the way out of Los Angeles and traded their SHIELD gear for nondescript jeans and t-shirts, the former ending up in a garbage can, along with their cell phones. Even though Tony's promise seemed genuine Clint still did a quick sweep of the Range Rover to make sure there weren't any hidden bugs or tracking signals that could give them away and just to be on the safe side he disabled the satellite radio.

The safe house he was taking them to was as out of the way as possible, in a rural part of Oregon, and it would be a long drive but Clint felt like he couldn't get there fast enough. It didn't seem like anyplace would ever be far enough but he knew this house was secure, so it would work for now.

He looked over at her, at the bruise forming on her cheek and he wanted to reach over and touch her. To run his finger over it and tell her everything would be okay. But he knew he couldn't. It didn't feel like things would ever be okay again. Clint kept playing the events over and over in his mind and he just couldn't rationalize why they happened. How Loki got out, how he had gotten a hold of such a powerful energy yet again. How he knew about Nat and the baby.

The baby.

For one moment Clint felt happier than he had in his entire life, only to have it robbed of him in the next.

They drove for hours in silence, stopping only to get gas, coffee and some food. Clint could feel fatigue kicking in as his mind went cloudy from the past few days and he knew he would need to eat something to continue the drive. He toyed with the idea of stopping at a hotel for the night but he didn't think he would feel comfortable until they were at his safe house.

As he was paying the gas attendant he realized that this was the first time he had been separated from her since the night before and he felt a strong urge to get to her as soon as possible. When he came back to the car he noticed she had pulled on a familiar looking gray sweatshirt of his and he felt a small amount of reassurance at the back of his mind that she had felt his absence as strongly as he had felt hers.

It was late into the night when they finally pulled up in front of the house, well cabin really, that was small and isolated in a wooded area. He looked over at Natasha as he took the keys out of the ignition. She looked small and more vulnerable than he had ever seen her, practically wrapped up in a ball, with his old sweatshirt swallowing her. She looked over at him and Clint almost broke down on the spot. Her eyes were empty, dead. No emotion betrayed. He had never seen that in her. When the hunt for her had started, all those years ago when she appeared on SHIELD's radar, he had dealt with other girls from the red room. He could always pick them out, their eyes were vacant, they were ruthless killing machines. But Natasha was different, her eyes held a spark, an emotional charge that had made him lower his bow on that fateful day. He didn't see that today and he felt the tally rise on one more thing Loki had robbed him of.

She turned away from him and opened the car door, heading into the cabin.

Once they were inside Clint set their stuff down on the kitchen table and began opening cabinets, checking for supplies. Natasha stood in the middle of the kitchen, looking around the barren room, arms wrapped around her body.

He broke the silence.

"Well, we have some canned soup I can heat up for dinner and there's some stuff in the ice chest in the car but we'll have to make a run up to the store in the morning for supplies." He rummaged through one of the cabinets, "But the good news is there's coffee for the morning. And I stole some creamers from that last gas station we stopped at because I know how you secretly hate your coffee black." He looked over at Natasha, she was still standing in the middle of the kitchen staring at him but he felt something change. All of sudden her face crumpled and she broke down in sobs, her knees bending as she began to sink down onto the floor. He got to her in a half a second and caught her before she hit the ground. Sobs wracked her body as he held her tighter than he ever had before. Her arms circled him and she clung to him as if for dear life. Clint slid one of his arms under her legs and hoisted her up, carrying her to the couch and sitting down, never letting go. He just held her as her emotion drained out.

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, not speaking, just holding each other, until finally Natasha looked up at him, her eyes red and swollen, but alive. Clint lowered his forehead to hers, relieved that she was still with him. He brushed his finger over her check, over the bruise, the action he had wanted to do earlier and she closed her eyes at his touch.

"Why?" she whispered.

"What?"

"Why did this happen to us?" She opened her eyes again, "Is it punishment for who we were in the past, for what were are? Killers for hire?"

"No, Nat, no," he shook his head, "We can't blame our pasts or ourselves for what happened."

"I just don't… I don't..," she stuttered.

"Shhh," Clint hushed her and held her face in his hands and kissed her hard, with all the emotion of the past few days rushing out. They kissed each other desperately and hungrily, only stopping to come up for air. Natasha ended up in Clint's lap with her hands threaded through his hair, she looked down at him, her eyes still wet with tears.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

His brow furrowed as he asked, "About what?"

"The baby." She said in a whisper, her voice shaking.

"Oh, Nat…" he kissed her softly.

"I had just found out, that day. That's why I went to see Bruce. To confirm it. I wasn't…I wasn't trying to hide it."

"I know." He buried his face in her neck, needing to feel her softness, to breath in her scent, to envelope himself in her.

"I was so scared. I know we didn't plan for that, we never even really talked about it. I didn't know how you would react, I didn't really even have time to process anything, to even feel happy." Her voice broke at the last part. Clint's arms encircled her, pulling her closer into him and holding her. He wanted to tell her that he had always wanted kids, that it was something he thought about all the time, but he couldn't speak, he just wanted to feel her, to know she there with him, solid and real. He kissed her again, his mouth crashing against hers as she returned the same passion he was feeling. Clint felt like he couldn't breath as he searched her mouth with his tongue, running his hands up and down her back, circling to the front and starting to slip them under her shirt.

She pulled away, shaking her head, "I'm sorry, I…I can't." She shifted off his lap and got up, "I just can't do this right now." She walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

Clint exhaled, leaning back onto the couch and running his hands over his face. Time was what she needed and time was what they had right now. He would give her as much space as possible because he knew she would come back to him, they would always come back to each other.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Clint do what they do best when they want to clear their heads, they exercise.

He must have fallen asleep on the couch because the next thing he knew, Clint woke with a start to Natasha shaking him. He frantically searched under the pillow for his gun before he remembered where he was.

She had a pair of running shoes in one hand and she held them up, giving him a questioning look. He nodded, wiping the sleep away from his face and getting up to go to the bathroom. His toothbrush and toothpaste were unpacked and set up alongside hers in one corner of the small counter. It all felt so domestic and Clint braced his hands on the sides of the sink, taking a deep breath and looking at himself in the mirror. He looked ragged and tired, with dark shadows under his eyes. He turned to the side and inspected the area where the guard had punched him, his lip was swollen and purple with a small scabbed area where the knuckles had connected but overall he was intact.

Clint took several deep, steadying breaths and splashed water on his face to drive the sleep away and then brushed his teeth before joining Natasha in the living room. He dug around through his duffel finding a pair of shorts and his own tennis shoes and after replacing his jeans with the shorts he looked over to Natasha and then to the door. She nodded and stood up, walking to meet him at the door.

They ran for several miles, through trees and undergrowth, matching each other pace for pace before finally slowing down as they reached the edge of the forest and stood on a small embankment overlooking the main road into the small town. Both of them were bent over breathing hard and Clint wished he'd remembered to bring some water. The weather was cool enough that they weren't' in danger of overheating but his throat was tight and dry and they still had to run back.

"We should go into town later and buy a few things," he said to Natasha once he caught his breath.

"Mmhm" she nodded, staring off into the distance. It was a nice view actually, rolling hills leading up to mountains in the distance. If they were different people in a different life they might have taken a vacation to hike up those mountains, touting themselves as adrenaline junkies and impressing their friends with their rugged sense of adventure.

They both stood there for a while, staring out into the countryside before Natasha broke the silence.

"Remember that mission in Siberia, where I had to infiltrate that ring of arms dealers and figure out how they were trading weapons with Iran?"

Clint rolled his eyes, "How could I forget it? Six weeks freezing my ass off and watching those sleazebags drool over you."

"That was a really dangerous mission."

"Aren't they all?"

She shook her head, "That one especially." She licked her lips before continuing, "I never told you but being back in Russia, I had several close calls with people I knew from before…from the red room."

"Nat," he said, turning to her, "Why didn't you tell me?"

She looked down at her hands, "Because, they were just that, close calls. No one ever got near enough to recognize me. They never even engaged me or the men I was with, but they were around." Her head lifted and she looked out at the valley again, "But that's not my point…my point is that I was terrified with the prospect of facing my past, of going back to that life I had before you…but knowing you were there, somewhere, in the distance, watching me, it made me feel incredibly safe."

Safe.

He made her feel safe. That word felt so strange to him now, as alien as the forces they had been fighting the past couple of months.

"Do I still make you feel that way?" He asked, choking a bit on his words, he wasn't sure if he'd wanted to ask that question out loud, or even worse, if he wanted to know the answer.

She turned her head to him and held his eyes in a firm gaze, "You know that you do."

He plopped down onto the dirt, the weight of past couple of days bearing down on him. She joined him, leaning into him and pulling her knees up to her chest.

"Loki's still out there, "he said, "We're really not safe, not even here. We're just hiding out."

"No, I know. And I want to find him, and make him pay, in every way imaginable. Don't you?" He nodded fiercely, "But I can't yet, I don't feel like myself right now."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

She turned to face him, shifting her knees under her and placing her hands on his legs, "When we go back, when we go after him, are we doing it with SHIELD? Can we do it with SHIELD?"

He hesitated with his answer, he wasn't sure he could answer that question. Part of him was saying, Fuck SHIELD, fuck it all. He and Natasha could go after Loki together, to avenge their own personal injustice. But he didn't know how easy it would be to turn his back on something that had been his life for so many years. He thought about Coulson for the first time in a long time, severing his link with SHIELD would mean severing his last link with the man who had been like a brother for so many years.

"I don't know." He finally said. She nodded, agreeing with him and stood up.

"Are you ready to go back?" It took him a second to realize she meant the cabin. He nodded, getting up and brushing the dirt off his shorts. She took off in a slow jog and he followed her, their conversation running through his mind as they sprinted back towards the cabin.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, just lots and lots of fluff.

Once they returned to the cabin Clint began rummaging through the kitchen for something to eat before putting some water to boil for coffee. He came across some trail mix he had bought the night before, he would have preferred some fresh fruit and yogurt as a post run breakfast but this would have to do. He grabbed a couple of water bottles from the fridge and sat at the small table with Natasha.

Natasha picked at the trail mix and drained her coffee when it was ready then went off to take a shower. Clint took his coffee outside and sat on the small wooden porch, taking in the stillness of the forest. He wondered if they could spend forever in a place like this, people did it sometimes, didn’t they? Went off the grid, got lost off the beaten path and disappeared from the rest of the world. In the back of his mind he knew it would never work for them, they weren’t the type of people who could just sit back and do nothing.

They went into the lone grocery store in the small town that afternoon. It was the type of trip that only required a solo effort but Clint wasn’t ready to leave Natasha alone for any period of time. The two walked the aisles together, pausing to throw the staples into their cart. Natasha was fresh faced with her hair pulled back in a ponytail, a few tendrils hanging around her face. Her checks were slightly pink from the chill in the air and Clint couldn’t stop thinking about how beautiful she looked, even with the slight bruise on her cheek. He noticed some of the men and stock boys do double takes when they saw her and knew they were thinking the same thing he was.

She wasn’t alone in getting looks, Clint almost caused one of the young female store workers to knock over the stack of cans she was working on when he asked where the spaghetti sauce was.

Clint scanned the headlines of the newspaper and magazines for any unusual news stories but there was nothing about alien invasions or destruction to major cities. No pictures of either one of them either, not that there had been much. Most of the news outlets focused on the bigger names like Iron Man and Captain America.

The town was small and new people wouldn’t be missed, especially a couple like Clint and Natasha. No one seemed to recognize them as members of the Avengers but the fact they were both very athletic and good looking, as well a new-comers to the sleepy town was peaking the curiosity of some of the townsfolk. The checker who rang up their groceries didn’t hesitate to point this out.

“You two sure are a striking couple, here on vacation?” Her tone was kind but Clint could detect the nosiness in her voice. He also saw her eyes flick down to their hands, most likely noticing the absence of wedding rings.

“Yes ma’am,” he said, turning on the charm. “We’re from DC, looking to get away from the bustle.” 

“Planning a long stay?” She pressed on, motioning to their groceries.

“Maybe,” Clint answered with an expression that stated he was not going to reveal anymore.

“Well,” she said, handing him the receipt, “I hope you enjoy your time here.” 

The rest of their day was spent in silence. Clint tinkered around the cabin, pulling sheets off of furniture and airing out some of the rooms and Natasha read a paperback she’d picked up at the grocery store. He was comfortable in the silence with her but there were also so many things he wanted to talk about but he didn’t want to push her.

The next few days went by pretty much the same, with Clint and Natasha going into town each day for supplies and to scan the newspapers for any headlines that meant they needed to get back to reality but other than the usual Stark-centric stories, everything was quiet.

They slept together every night, Natasha curled up into him, his arm holding her close, relishing in the comfort he felt at having her near. 

 

_Clint walked into the bathroom the next morning and splashed water onto his face to help wake up and then blindly reached for the hand towel near the sink to dry off. He dragged the towel down his face and then opened his eyes to stare at his reflection in the mirror. His face still looked haggard, shadows forming in the hollows of his cheek bones and under his eyes, eyes that were a bright shocking shade of blue, artificially glowing. Clint stared in horror his face in his mirror, and then he saw a movement behind him reflecting behind him. It was Loki, in his full Asgardian uniform, staring back at him and grinning. ___

__He woke with a start, screaming and sitting up in the bed, clawing at the sheets, feeling someone try to grab his arms and fighting them off._ _

__“Clint! It was a nightmare.” Natasha’s voice broke through his haze. “Wake up!”_ _

__He dropped his arms and opened his eyes, Natasha’s concerned face coming into this vision, his breathing heavy. He passed a hand over his face and leaned back onto the pillow, digging the heels of his hand hard over his eyes, trying to scrub out the remnants of the nightmare._ _

__“Fuck,” he said, sitting up again and swinging his legs over the bed, shoulders hunched as the buried his face in his hands and tried to calm his breathing down. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder._ _

__“Do I even need to ask what it was about?” Natasha asked quietly. Clint shook his head, “It was just a dream Clint.”_ _

__He got up and started pacing the room, a nervous energy passing through him and making his body feel tingly, there was no way he was going to get back to sleep._ _

__“I know it was just a dream, but it felt so real. My eyes, they weren’t mine. And he was right there, in the corner of that exact bathroom.” He motioned over to the room. "Every detail was so clear."_ _

__Natasha didn’t reply, she just sat on the corner of the bed with her knees to her chest, her arms enveloping her legs._ _

__“What happened to us, to you, that wasn’t a dream,” Clint went on, “It was worse than a nightmare. When we were down there, in that cell, after Loki knocked us out with that gas again and I woke up in a separate room, did he do anything to you, while we were separated?”_ _

__She shook her head._ _

__He sat down softly next to her, “That whole time, my worst fear, it wasn’t about myself getting hurt or killed, it was about Loki taking control of my mind and making me hurt you again or going through on his promise and having me kill you.”_ _

__He was referring to the conversation that had occurred between Natasha and Loki on the Hellicarrier while he was still under Loki’s mind control, a conversation he had watched over and over for an entire day in Tony's media room until she'd dragged him out and had the footage destroyed._ _

__She turned away and stayed silent so Clint got up and walked into the kitchen to get drink of water for his dry throat. He heard Natasha walk up behind him and turned and saw her in his blue sweatshirt and nothing else, her porcelain legs standing out white against the darkness. His heart constricted at the sight of her, she looked vulnerable yet at the same time incredibly sexy and he took a drink of water to district himself for thoughts that he didn't feel were appropriate for the situation._ _

__“I don’t want to lie to you Clint, so I have to tell you, I was terrified of that too.” He looked up sharply from his water glass as she said this, “When I woke up alone in the cell and heard the footsteps of someone approaching I was terrified it was going to be you, with those eyes, just like when I saw you on that catwalk, and you lunged at me and I just knew it wasn’t really you but something evil and sinister.”_ _

__He put his water glass down, wanting to go to her, but waiting until she finished._ _

__“Then when they dragged me out of there, I was just waiting…waiting to be brought before you, or before something that looked like you but wasn’t you. So Loki’s threat could come true…because as much as my behavior that day was part of a manipulation, his words still shattered me.”_ _

__Natasha pulled out one of the chairs from the small round table and sat down, one leg folded under her, and Clint sat down next to her._ _

__“We’re never going to get away from this, are we?” He asked._ _

__She shook her head, then looked at him, “I don’t know. Everything feels so uncertain now. I guess it's like you said before, if you put an arrow in Loki’s eye, I think both of us would sleep better.”_ _

__He nodded in agreement, “Are you ready…to go after him? To get some closure from this?”_ _

__“Not yet. But I think I will be soon.” She gave him a small smile. He took her hand and turned it over, rubbing his finger over her tattoo._ _

__“I love you, so much, and I want a family with you." He said suddenly, his gray eyes flicking up to hers then back down to her hand, "I don’t know if that’s what you want but if you do, I would give it all up, SHIELD, the Avengers, everything, for you.”_ _

__“Clint…I would never ask you to do that” she said quietly._ _

__“Does that scare you?”_ _

__“What? Your devotion?”_ _

__He laughed softly, “Yeah, I guess. All of that?”_ _

__“Maybe, but,” she grabbed his left hand and entwined her fingers through his, pressing their ring fingers and tattoos together. Her eyes flicked up to meet his, “I’m good at overcoming my fears.”_ _

__"Is that what you want too?"_ _

__"At one time I thought I would never want...could never want anything like that." She pulled their entwined fingers to her chest, "But you changed all that, from the very beginning, you changed everything for me." Clint could feel her heart beating under his hand. "And you make me want a life I never imagined I could have."_ _

__++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++_ _

__They both slept in the next morning, rising to a fully lit bedroom and a very chilly morning._ _

__“Run?” she asked him, stretching her arms up in the air and arching her back in a way that made it hard for Clint to focus on what she was saying._ _

__He nodded._ _

__The air was crisp as they ran, this time going the opposite direction from the road and running into the forest. Natasha was pacing Clint at first but he noticed she was slowly pulling ahead of him, slowing down to join him and then inching further in front of him and staying there. He increased his pace to match hers but every time he reached her side she went faster until he finally understood what was going on._ _

__She was racing him._ _

__Suddenly her pace increased dramatically and she shot out in front of him, she was always the faster one, and he struggled to keep up, finally losing her in the trees. He pushed himself to increase his speed and ran, with his lungs burning, until he came to a clearing with a small pond in the middle of it. Natasha was standing, looking into the water, her back to him. He stopped and leaned forward, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath._ _

__“Nat?” he said, between gulps of air. She turned around at the sound of his voice and suddenly, with the speed of cat, she was on him, her lips smashing against his so hard their teeth knocked together and he couldn’t keep his balance, falling backward onto the ground, his arms wrapped around her waist, pressing her to him._ _

__He was still short of breath from the run but he wasn’t going to let a simple thing like breathing stand in the way of this moment, having her so close, her hands clutching at his shirt, mouth crushing against his. He entangled his free hand through her hair, and then flipped them, so he was on top, pushing their bodies together, feeling the heat that ran between them._ _

__The need to breath finally overcame him and he broke the kiss to gulp for air, Natasha, didn’t break her stride, moving her lips down to his neck and his collarbone, causing him to growl slightly._ _

__He kissed down her neck and savored her taste, her sweat mingled with a lingering sweetness. His hand left her waist and circled around to the hem of her shorts, fingers slipping slightly under the waistband as he looked up at her meeting her eyes in question. She gave a small nod and his lips crashed down on hers again._ _

__Clint undressed Natasha slowly, planting gentle kisses down her body and paying attention to all the spots she liked the most, lingering between her legs, breathing in her scent until she shifted in annoyance and he plunged his tongue into her, rubbing his finger on her clit and causing her to arch off the ground, crying out his name loud and sending a rush of blood down to his cock._ _

__He had to be inside her, had to stay connected, to get as close to her as possible. He pulled away and clumsily untied his shorts, shoving them down and giving himself a few pumps before entering her, sucking in a sharp intake of breath at the sensation of feeling her warmth all around him. He draped his body over her, pumping slowly in and out while she wrapped her legs around him and pushed back._ _

__They made love in the middle of the forest that day, slow and sweet, no games and no power plays and when it was over they lay panting on the grassy floor of the forest, their sweat mixing with the cool air and causing them both to shiver and move closer to each other. The sun broke through the trees and Clint could see the rays dapple Natasha's hair and body with light and he thought this was probably the closest to Heaven he was ever going to get._ _


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, we're getting somewhere here. Clint and Natasha can't be still for long. I don't know if SHIELD has field offices but I imagine them kind of like the FBI or CIA so for the purposes of my story they do.

Clint knew they couldn’t bide their time for too much longer, something was going to happen soon and they couldn’t hide forever.

After persuading Natasha that his system would be secure, he went into town to connect the wifi and phone system in the house, under the assumed name that was on the property deed, Bernard Clifton. 

She’d raised an eyebrow at him when she’d seen his alias but he promptly reminded her of how unimaginative Natalie Rushman was and she made no further comment over the subject.

Clint had built a state of the art network system's room in basement of the cabin and they used the computer equipment in it to scan news headlines from around the world for any unusual events. Clint briefly toyed with the idea of hacking into SHIELD’s security files but he decided to wait a little longer before blowing their cover. 

They spent the other hours of their days training for the ultimate battle they knew was coming, sparring until they couldn’t move, memorizing each other’s movements and figuring out ways to overcome them. 

Clint set up some practice targets and they both used them: his becoming filled with arrow after arrow and Natasha’s occupied by an assortment of throwing knives and stars.

At Natasha’s insistence and Clint’s extreme reluctance, they also practiced ways to keep their connection to each other strong, just in case, by doing combination of meditation and yoga and rehearsing code words for hours. They went over memories with each other, the good and bad, reliving each event in as much detail as possible, just in case one’s mind was all of a sudden not theirs.

As much as he protested Clint actually grew to like the calming spirit of the yoga and meditation techniques. He learned how to clear his mind and focus and sometimes amazing things would pop into his head.

_“You could still take your shot.” ___

__“What?” his eyes snapped open._ _

__“I didn’t say anything,” Natasha murmured, her eyes still closed._ _

__“You could still take your shot,” he repeated what he had heard. She opened one eye and peered at him, annoyed, “That’s what you said to me, in Central Park, when Thor was taking Loki back to Asgard.”_ _

__She exhaled and closed her eye again, trying to refocus on her meditation._ _

__It’s why I was grinning; Clint thought, from a small, offhand comment. He huffed and closed his eyes again but he couldn’t concentrate, instead he just kept playing those few minutes over and over in his head. He could almost feel the cool breeze from that day, hear the sounds of traffic going on around them, and smell the cinnamon on Natasha’s breath from her gum as she whispered to him._ _

__What if he had taken the shot? He could have pulled his bow out and released the arrow before anyone knew what was going on. Everything would have been different now, if only he would have known._ _

__Hindsight is 20/20._ _

__He felt his skin crawl, itchy with the anger he was holding inside and he couldn’t sit still anymore. He stood without a warning and stalked outside, gulping in breaths of the clear, crisp air and clenching and unclenching his fists in frustration._ _

__He was sick of waiting around, he had to do something, to get out of here and go after Loki and finish the job he should have taken care of months ago._ _

__A soft touch on his shoulder made him spin around to Natasha’s concerned face._ _

__“Clint?”_ _

__“We have to go back Natasha, we have to fight. I can’t sit around here anymore, playing house and waiting for everything to be okay, because it may never be. But we can go after Loki and make things a little bit better. Don’t you think? Don’t you want to get out there and finish this?”_ _

__She exhaled sharply and closed her eyes and Clint began to regret his quick behavior just a little bit and was on the verge of apologizing and heading back inside when she snapped them open and with a calm, clear face said, “I thought you would never ask.”_ _

__He breathed a enormous sigh of release and grabbed her shoulders, kissing her forehead and pulling her into the house. “Let’s call Stark.”_ _

__A quick ring to the tower and Jarvis connected them to Tony, who, luckily, was tinkering in the lab with Bruce. Their surprised faces crowded the screen as they looked at Clint and Natasha._ _

__“Well, look who finally decided to reconnect to reality.” Tony smarmily greeted them, “So, what have you crazy kids been up to?”_ _

__“Nice to see you, too, Stark.” Clint quipped back, his mouth curling up in a grin, “How is it out there in the real world?”_ _

__“Heating up,” Tony replied, “You guys checked in just at the right time.”_ _

__“Clue us in,” Natasha broke in, “We’re ready.”_ _

__“Are you sure you’re okay?” Bruce’s voice broke in softly, before Tony could go on, his face was lined with concerned._ _

__Natasha gave a small nod but Clint sensed her body tense up. “We need to do this.” She stated firmly._ _

__Bruce and Tony exchanged looks and Tony shrugged and began to fill them in._ _

__“I’ve been using SHIELD’s locating technology to find any facial matches but so far we’ve only had a few partials. However, one of these was in an area of West Texas where one of our field offices has been reporting heavier than normal truck traffic in a really sparsely populated area. Its actually kind of perfect for someone to set up an undercover operation: well maintained roads, dry conditions, mountainous areas and a local population that looks down on any kind of government intrusion.”_ _

__“Got any unusual heat signatures coming out of there? Maybe showing some kind of weapon building?” Clint asked, pulling up a map of West Texas on his other computer screen and zooming in on some of the areas Tony had sent him coordinates to._ _

__“Nope,” Tony shook his head, “We’re really just flying on a wing and a prayer, but, its more than we’ve had the last couple of weeks so, if you guys are up to it, its worth taking a look at.”_ _

__“We can be there by morning.” Clint replied, “Thanks for the vehicle loan by the way.”_ _

__Tony dismissed his gratitude with a wave of his hand, "Don't worry, I've got…hundreds." Natasha rolled her eyes. Tony clapped his hands together in glee. "You guys really created quite the warzone around here, the Council is going ballistic over you two, they ordered a search to begin on you guys pretty much the minute you left. Fury's been going batshit arguing with them but they started a global search anyway."_ _

__Clint thought about his stop at the gas stations and all the times they had gone into town, the grocery store may have been quaint but he knew they had to have some kind of security system, he was sure he had stared right at it. How had SHIELD missed them?_ _

__"Too bad someone corrupted your files and changed a few key features the system was searching for." Tony said casually and Clint grinned, as much as he was a pain in the ass, his Iron friend had definitely come in handy for them. "We've all, Fury included, been kind of regulated to desk duty until this issue is resolved but Bruce and I have got our own little R and D lab right here in my tower so we've just been kind of tinkering on, oh you know, pocket size ballistic missile launchers and the like."_ _

__"I doubt SHIELD would just let us walk right in and then back out to find Loki," Clint mused, eager to get his hands on whatever Tony and Bruce had cooked up, "We should probably meet you guys at the Stark tower LA."_ _

__"See you soon Legolas." The screen clicked black._ _

__"Come on, let's start packing," Natasha said, rushing out of the room._ _

__"Wait," Clint grabbed her arm, spinning her around and pulled her close to him. "Wait, just wait."_ _

__He placed his hands on her face, his calloused fingers rubbing over her smooth skin, digits clawing into her curls as he lowered his face to hers, stopping right before their lips met, ghosting her with his touch, breathing in her scent. He kept his eyes open and studied her, trying to memorize every freckle, every hair, the pink flush at the top of her cheeks and the blush red of her lips. If he wasn't going to be himself, he wanted to drink in this moment for as long as he could._ _

__"Clint?" she cocked her head, giving him a confused look._ _

__"Shh," he breathed quietly, "I just…I just need to.." He couldn't form the words to tell her, he didn't really know how to explain himself. He just needed to be here, with her, occupying this space together, for as long as they could before they had to go back out into the storm again. They had fought a war in New York, taken on a new kind of enemy, something they hadn't ever been prepared for but now they were heading to take on something that felt all too familiar for both of them._ _

__Revenge._ _

__They had trained for this, Clint felt like he had been preparing for this all his life, but they both knew the stakes of this mission, they were going all in and it could mean the end for both of them._ _

__So he had to stay with her, in this moment, holding still and breathing the same air and trying to commit every part of her to memory because this could be the last time, because everything was moving so fast and he knew the next few hours would rush by and he just wanted to hold still with her for just a little while longer._ _

__She pushed her lips to his and all his thoughts fell away. They kissed like it was the last time because both of them knew it could be the last time and when she wrapped her legs around him, he held onto her and pushed her against the wall, grinding into her while deepening the kiss. He felt her gasp against his lips at the feeling of his hardness between her legs and he walked the two of them to the bedroom where they stripped quickly before he plunged into her, forgoing their usual foreplay for the overwhelming urge to be inside her, to be as close to her as possible._ _

__Their lovemaking was slow at first but became frantic at the end the as the passion almost overwhelmed both of them and all they could do for some time after was lay there together, breathing hard, and daring each other to be the first one to move._ _

__They finally got up, together, and showered as they prepared to wage back into a war that had started months ago, a war they were ready to end._ _


End file.
